blackwidowcrf

I haven't written a blog either on MySpace or Facebook (can you even write a blog on Facebook? - I'm still trying to figure that out)

Anyways, I'm doing good, feeling good and some hair is growing back while I am off my chemo. Still wearing the caps though, cause, well, I don't think I look that great being mostly bald. I'm just used to having so much hair! LOL. Still going for the Herceptin treatments weekly. So, I still get to be poked with a needle every week, yay! And this goes on for a whole year!

My oncologist is so freaking funny. He absolutely LOVES music - all kinds (except New Country) and he actually went to a SlipKnot concert here in Charlotte. Well, he doesn't just go to these concerts, he TAPES them, illegally, with some kind of get up that he wears under his shirt!

He was telling me and the other chemo patients that he has this contraption that he holds in his hand and wraps his jacket around. On one wrist, he has a metal bracelet, so, the metal wand always catches the bracelet. So, he takes it off and puts it in his left hand where the gizmo is and, of course, the wand goes off, but, the staff thinks its just the bracelet again, so, they let it go. He goes into the concert and just connects all the wires and tapes the concerts!!

Unfortunately, he didn't check his equipment properly and all he ended up with was fuzz for two hours. Which, to me, is a good thing... not a big fan of SlipKnot. However, it would have been good to hear Coheed and Cambria. He said they were really good.

But, it just knocks me out that my big deal oncologist - a guy who is helping me fight my cancer which is such a serious thing - is such a hoot. That he loves music is extra bonus points for me to recommend him to anyone who is diagnosed (and I hope that list is VERY small) with cancer to get him as their doctor. There are so many new cancer patients that they are constructing two offices together to make one long chemo ward. Which is pretty sad, but, still good that more people can be treated in Huntersville without having to drive all the way to downtown Charlotte every week. I'm sure glad they are up here because the clinic is like 10 minutes away from my house. I even drove there on a SNOW day by myself, which I never, ever do anymore. Sure I used to drive in the snow in New York - all the time- but, I'm out of practice and stay in. Luckily, we don't get much snow.

So, I've been trying to ride my horse, MagPie, more because I will be having surgery on the 26th to get this tumor out. So, I'm trying to ride as much as possible or at least go out and see her at the stable. Not only so she can really get to know me and trust me, but, because it gets me out of the house and thinking about other things rather than my situation. It is also improving my confidence. Riding horses, especially ones who act up a bit, can be very daunting.

When we bought MagPie, she was supposed to be "bombproof" and basically "an old mare". Well, after being off (not ridden) for like 3 months because of injuries, she was getting rather feisty and didn't WANT to be ridden. She showed us that by bucking up on us and even rearing up a little bit. She bucked up on me when I was posting on her at the trot, one day, and I ended up almost going over her head. At any rate, I was hanging off her side. I managed to pull myself up and didn't fall, thank goodness, but, it was scary anyway.

Last weekend I rode her on a calm trail ride and the poor thing tripped so bad she went down on both knees and even her nose hit the dirt. I almost went over her head again, but, managed to stay in the saddle and not fall off. She got up and was fine for the rest of the ride, although, she did trip a couple more times, but, not as bad. She just doesn't pick up her front feet very well.

Yesterday, I rode her on the trail again and she did wonderfully well. The trail was kind of muddy and really narrow in spots, but, she picked her way through just fine and I think only stumbled once and it wasn't bad. The other horses stumble too. We're wondering if this is a trait of the Tennessee Walkers because most of the Walkers at the stable stumble sometimes too. That heavy duty lifting of the front legs in a rack is sometimes caused by "padding" the horse shoes. It's awkward looking to say the least and we won't ever do that to MagPie. She isn't a "show" horse anyway.

We, Brooke and I (Brooke is her co-owner) were very pleased to find out that the stable used MagPie for some other trail rides where she was either used at the head of the line with the guide, or at the very back of the line with a guide. She did very well with them - no temper tantrums and no falling. She did want to follow some other horses that she knew, but, the guide was going in a different direction. MagPie tested her to see if she really couldn't follow those horses, but, the rider got her turned in the right direction and everything was fine after that.

It was such a glorious day yesterday, not too cold and not too hot, so, there were a lot of "outside" horses on the trails too. We passed at least 12 horses. People are allowed to bring their own trailers in with their horses to ride the Latta Plantation trails. What fun! It doesn't cost anything, but, Latta Equestrian does have to know that you are out there, just in case. So, the trail leader has to check in. For the record, MagPie went past these horses like a pro and could care less that they were strangers.

So, that's been my life lately - horses and cancer. I do occasionally get out to my Mom's to play Wii bowling - which I stink at. I've got a wicked curve for some unknown reason and can't seem to hit the pins "in the pocket". I haven't tried golf yet, but, my Mom and my Aunt Norma have gotten so good at both bowling and golf that they are considered "pros" now. That just cracks me up. Watching my Mother and my Aunt playing the Wii... Now, if they buy Guitar Hero and start playing that, I may just croak from laughing so hard!

The tumor has shrunk so much that even the surgeon had trouble finding it! So, yay! It's going to be taken out in about a month. Gotta get my white blood cell count back up from the chemo.

I'm feeling much better now that I've had some days away from the last treatment. Still gotta have the Herceptin every week for a YEAR but, that doesn't have the side effects of the other stuff.

I'm excited that my hair will start growing back. I still have my eyebrows and eyelashes too. They are kind of thin, but, that's okay. It takes a approximately 14 days after the Taxotere chemo for my hair to fall out. So, it will start growing back and then fall out again. BUT, since I won't have to have chemo treatments for awhile now, hopefully, my hair will start to grow back.

We had a little bit of snow up here in Huntersville this morning. Apparently South Charlotte got a bunch more, so, they closed schools and all kinds of places. Lots of delays tomorrow cause it's supposed to get real cold here again. Then, it will start warming up. No wonder so many people have been sick! This weather is crazy! Still.... it could be worse. I could live in Minnesota or North Dakota or someplace. brrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Stay warm everyone!

I haven't been on Live Journal in forever - MySpace has taken up my mind and that's all I read. Although, I am also on Facebook now and trying to figure that one out too. So, it was with great delight that I read (on Facebook) that supergoober (I've been away from LJ too long to remember how to do the names) is having a baby! And a girl at that! Well, I just have to say Congratulations to them. They will make wonderful parents! So musically inclined, this child will have so much music and love... it makes me want to weep.

I'm also really, really tired, fatigued, lethargic, you name it from my chemo treatment on Wednesday. Blehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... I only feel well enough now to post something because I just ate. I can't really TASTE food these days (only a horrible disgusting taste in my mouth) but, my body still wants me to eat, so, that's good. I was thinking that I might lose some weight having cancer, but, that hasn't happened yet. So, that's good.

I'm also eating whatever the hell I want - which still isn't much, but, includes cookies, candy and ice cream! I'm making up for the fact that I can't really drink much alcohol, which, I suppose is a good thing, but, I do miss my glass of beer occasionally.

I'm going to see the surgeon on Tuesday who will hopefully send me to get an MRI and then sign me up for surgery to get this tumor out. It's definitely shrunk and I'm soooo glad and hopeful that he won't have to take out too much tissue and therefore leave my boob looking like it has a huge indent in it. Right where you can see it too, if I wear a bodice/corset. Sighhhhh.

Of course, some of you already know all this crap because I write about it on MySpace. I just felt the need to read LJ and write a little bit.

I'm going to try and stay up tonight to watch a silly movie while Russ goes to play in the band. I couldn't possibly go with him because of my condition, also, it is supposed to be like below zero or something tonight. Okay, maybe not THAT cold, but, still. Cold enough!

I didn't go to the barn today to see my horse cause of this fatigue. I'm hoping I can maybe go out there tomorrow to see her. I doubt I will ride though. Don't want to fall off cause I don't have the strength to grip the reins or her sides. If I just touch her with a heel, she starts to trot. Maybe next week, I can get out and ride her. She certainly needs to be ridden.

I'm sure in another day or so, I will start to feel better again. Chemo really does kick your ass! I'm also bald - in case anyone wanted to know. My sister shaved my head for me when my hair started falling out in clumps. It's just little stubble now. It will grow back once I stop the chemo and then, after the lumpectomy, I will have to have chemo again and it will all fall out again. For those wondering - it's coming in blond. Yep, I really am a blond (like some people couldn't/didn't figure THAT one out heh, heh, heh) My Mom and Aunt do not want me to color my hair again, but, I really liked being a redhead, so, we'll see. If the blond isn't a pretty blond then it's gonna GO!

I'm a little late, but, I do hope that everyone on LJ that reads this blog had happy holidays and will have a great New Year!

Speaking of New Year, Russ and I just celebrated our 26th wedding anniversary on Thursday! It was also the day of my long awaited disability hearing! We definitely do weird things on January 15! One year, I had my tonsils out on my anniversary!

I have been waiting for a hearing for disability since I filed in March of 2006. 3 years later and it finally happens. I'm not sure the judge is going to go for it though. Maybe I'll get disability for one year because of the cancer, but, not sure about the other. That's such a bummer. I need a bail out! I definitely couldn't work for that time and I definitely can't work now! Sigh... I won't find out for another 30 days or more what his decision will be. I did have an attorney which helped (although, he didn't do a whole heck of a lot), we'll see.

Well, time to go check MySpazz... see everyone later!

I had a fabulous costume all set to go for Boo and Brew this year and they had to cancel it because of the rain!! I was going to be the Corpse Bride. This is the first year in at least nine that I came up with a cool costume. Since I've been participating in the Ren Fest - in costume - I haven't been into creating anything new. I only spent a minimum amount of money on the costume because most of what I used I already had! Like the wedding dress... I had this idea to have a wedding renewal on our 20th anniversary, so, TWO YEARS before that anniversary I went on ebay and found this wedding dress that I liked and so I bought it. Well, by the time the 20th came around, I didn't like the dress anymore and we ended up not renewing our vows anyway (we had a big party instead cause it was also Amber's 18th birthday AND she graduated from High School)

( costume rant and other stuff )

It was great to see some GA people this past weekend!! It was also very nice to hear Kelley sing The Diamond and Loch Lohman. Bittersweet.

Different year....

CRF opened this weekend... the turnout was NOT good since it was wet, cold, windy and rainy both days. Sunday was slightly better and warmed up enough so I did not have to wear my cloak.

( Ren Fest Dope )

Like I said, I did have fun both days. I played with the princess who is really starting to assert herself more, now that she is not overshadowed by anyone. And, this being Lolly's last year as our Queen, I got to play with her a lot yesterday. We played follow the leader and she led us all over the grounds, in and out of the dungeons, etc. She also chased me out of a shop with a lovely read crucifix (remember, I'm the evil blackwidow) Ahhhhh, good times, good times.... those are what I will choose to remember for opening weekend.

Oh, and also being "ordered" by the Queen to go and find the Lost Boys and bring them back to her. Which we did. They were surprised but accompanied us back to the pavilion for a song.

All I have to say is yamguitar is sooooo much fun and he sounded GREAT with the other two LB's. Impressive, talented = EXCELLENT! He told me he missed his Rosemary and Ariana though. I miss them too.

I'm still wearing the bells given to me by the original (and best) drummer, and that made me happy and nostalgic.

I didn't get to see ladychevalier very much and that made me sad. I was late to cast call and couldn't even say hello. So HELLO Chaz and Lady!!! Let's do dinner sometime!

Now, I've got to go hose down my skirts and get the mud out of them!!! I hope all our friends in GA can come up to visit!!!

Good news (finally) Russ was offered a job yesterday and will start on Monday. The money isn't as much as he was making previously, but, he needs to work and we will survive as best we can! So, thank you to all of you who have sent kind words and thoughts and good vibes to us. As I've said previously, it's been a very hard year on our family.

( stuff )

So, Carolina Renaissance Festival will be starting in, like two weeks! I can hardly believe it. I think we have an excellent cast this year. However, the pre-festival drama just will NOT go away!! There have been disagreements with the Director, I have been accused of making a "power play" (for what I wonder?) BUT, I have responsibility WITHOUT power. I'm really looking forward to the season starting, then, that crap will, hopefully, hopefully, go away! A lot of veterans are not very happy with a lot of things. But, it is Lolly Foy's last year as Queen and we've got to be there for her. She will be missed and while her part as Queen can be re-cast, it would be very, very hard to ever replace her. She has been the mentor to many and a super lovely lady and I'm proud to have worked with her for nine years.

Oh, and I am still trying to conquer my many fears, but, I have begun volunteering at the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Humane Society. Only one day a week for a few hours, but, it means that I have stepped out my front door, driven on the interstate and gone into a busy work place BY MYSELF! Plus, the dogs and cats are so darn cute!!

Love to everyone...

I just read something about the MTV Music Awards that says the presenters got a "gift bag" worth $42,000!!! That is just unreal!! Jessica Simpson won a $50,000 car!! I know that the IRS recently cracked down on the swag that celebrities get FOR FREE for reading lines off a teleprompter on a show and I hope they get them all! The best thing would be to read that Jessica or other celebrities auctioned off their swag and winnings to help victims of Hurricane Katrina or Defenders of Wildlife, etc. We'll see..

The rich get richer... sigh....

supergoober I found this recipe for Homemade Fig Newtons!:

( Read more... )

I took my neice, nephew and a friend to Concord Mills (a big mall) today. I'm exhausted. I can't even remember when I took kids to a Mall. Thankfully, they weren't too "I want this and can I get that". Luckily, I know how to say NO!

The amazing thing is, I only bought a Jeff Gordon car decal and a new pair of sunglasses for myself! Now THAT'S restraint! LOL

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MICHAEL!!!!

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE...

KAT, RUSS AND AMBER

I'm going to see Def Leppard and Journey tomorrow! I haven't been to a concert in I don't even know when! What to wear, what to wear?? The clothes I wore when I got to be backstage don't fit me anymore and I don't have most of them. I think I can get my hair fairly big though! hahahahahahahaha I'm sure I will settle for something comfortable - since I've "been there, done that", I'll look at all the other "outfits" that show up - that's always a blast!! Plus, it's going to be wicked hot - well, very muggy at any rate. Should be fun.

( have to get this in )

I think I heard a Peter Gabriel song re-done by the band Disturbed!!!  While I can't remember the darn name of the song, I remember the video - it was the one with the puppets of Ronald & Nancy Reagan (among others)  I thought I had heard this song on the radio the other day, but, could not figure out who the band was. 

I just spent 3 1/2 hours cleaning Amber's room and bathroom... now my right arm hurts... good thing I'm getting PAID to do it... yuck!!  You're welcome <lj user = "keepmeguessing"> !!!  I'm still doing laundry too....  I'm sweating like a booda (a/c doesn't work too well up there)  Phewwwwww  Glad to be back downstairs in the coolness!

I already bought and finished Laurell K. Hamilton's latest book - Danse Macabre.  I'm now reading a book called "skinny dip".  It's kind of a detective story - quite funny.  Not sure what will be next, although we did buy the biography of Harper Lee... and I think I have a Patricia Cornwall that I haven't read yet... I've not kept up with her books at all, nor Dean Koontz or Jeffrey Deaver and they all have new books out!

I've got to come up with ideas for our Prince and Princess this year as far as character development and acting... hmmmmmm... Plus, I've got to write it all down for the ED!!  I also need to start fixing my costumes - loads of beading to fix.  No new costume this year!!  I swear!  New chemise sleeves, but, NO NEW COSTUME!!! 

I'm going to go back to see POTC 2 once the crowds calm down a little.  And "Lady in the Water" is coming out too.  Hopefully, Amber will have to screen that one and I can go when no one else is in the theater... looks good!

I'd like to see The Devil Wears Prada again too.  That's all..

Happy Birthday Elizabeth!!!!

Happy Birthday karmakeys!!! One day late...

We have a fig tree in our backyard - okay, it's in the neighbor's backyard, but, loads of figs are hanging over our fence, so, they are technically ours, I'm pretty sure. Anyway, they are beginning to ripen and I have NOOOOO idea what to do with them... can they be eaten raw? Do you peel the skin away and eat the pink/white insides? How do you dry them? Does anyone know?

Anyway, my dogs seemed to enjoy them immensley... so far anyway... Hopefully, there will be no adverse effects... we'll see how Willow does..

I got to see POTC 2 last night and it was fabulous! Definitely have to go back again - loads of stuff I missed, but, it was really fun (and kind of creepier and grosser than the first one)

I won't put in any spoilers here - but, stay til the end of the credits... that's all I'm gonna say.

We had an ab fab time in Atlanta this weekend. Just wanted to say thanks to scarletravynn and michaelsproject for including us in your happiness. Being a part of the entourage will be something I will always cherish and I am just so honored that I was asked to participate in that. I'm also grateful that Russ and Michael were able to jam together on Friday. I'm just sorry I missed it! I don't believe I have ever been to a more beautiful ceremony. So fraught with meaning and different traditions, it was truly amazing and heartwarming. I can't imagine ever seeing a more beautiful bride. Oh, and the groom looked pretty spiffy himself, but, let's face it... the bride was the light that we moths were drawn to! LOL!! You couldn't take your eyes off of her. Jenny and Jill looked incredibly beautiful as well. Like I said, the whole affair was wonderful. I'm choking up remembering it, so, my adjectives are a bit repetitive! But, you get the picture!

Trips to ATL are usually very whirlwind, so much to do and see, so little time! But, I did get to see gypsyariana in the role of Luisa and I couldn't have been more thrilled at how great she was! Truly those high notes amazed me, but, it all looked so effortless, I simply cannot believe that you hadn't used those notes recently! yamguitar was hysterical and I'm really sorry about my phone going off. It was a total faux pas and I was mortified. Please say you will still continue to talk to me!

Russ was very impressed with supergoober's voice and song. I told him she is so brilliant and can come up with stuff like that on the spur of the moment (even though I know this one took time). She also looked beautiful, that dress was fantastic and perfect. The shoes were working!

ladychevalier and karmakeys were also beautiful and fun and so talented in their respective fields!! Food and dance! What could be better? I believe Russ' thoughts were that they were "glowing". He was tongue tied watching ladychevalier dance and again I said "see? I TOLD you so" Chaz is a lucky man were his exact words. And, of course, that wasn't just because of her dancing - it was because she is a beautiful, sweet and fun/funny woman too!

Of course, this wouldn't have all been possible - meeting and getting to know all of these wonderful people if it weren't for crazyauntjaynie who I am forever indebted to and is truly my best friend. She and Gene's hospitality is unbelievable and generous and comforting and just plain makes me feel like I am at home. Gene even makes me get my own beer! Sheesh! hahahahahahaha I truly love you guys and can't wait to come back.

Okay, Chaz and ladychevalier we live almost in the same city - WHEN are we going to get together??? It looks like us women's are just going to have to make plans and you guys will just have to follow along (what else? hee)

I hope I haven't forgotten anyone (oh, except captnsparrow) but, I'm mad at him (heehee).

Love, love, love to everyone... and thanks again.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BECKY!!!!  HAVE A GREAT DAY!  SEE YOU ON FRIDAY!!  WOOOOHOOOOOOOOOO

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE

Happy 21st Birthday to my beautiful baby girl Amber.... keepmeguessing 21 years ago today she came squalling into this world after an emergency c-section - healthy as anything. It's appropo that it is also Father's Day because Russ got to hold her before I did (I was knocked out and didn't get to see her right away)

She's all grown up... sigh... the great thing is, I don't seem to have aged a bit! bwahahahahahahahahahaha... okay, maybe just a little!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DARLING GIRL!! WE LOVE YOU SO MUCH.... </lj>

11:30 a.m. Haven't seen the anti-christ yet... oh... good morning Amber

My ex-work has become the antichrist if I believed in such. They have still not provided me with the withdrawal papers for my 401K. My therapist says I need to detach from anger... it's really hard to do that! I didn't do anything wrong to these people, yet, I am the one to suffer and continue suffering their games. I've called the labor board and, of course, no one in my area is available to talk to me until after June 9th! Ahhh, it just goes on and on.

Does anyone ever really protect the employees? I was trying to think about that this morning. Employees are supposed to be protected against things... I've written emails to about three different attorneys about my "case" and no one will help me. Everyone sends me to an employment attorney and the one guy I went to practically scoffed in my face when I told him about what happened to me.. I paid $50.00, was there for 15 minutes and pretty much was ridiculed...

My cognitive distortion sheet says that I shouldn't "over generalize": You view a negative event as a never-ending pattern of defeat...." well, yup, for the past six months and even before that, that's how I've viewed life and darned if that pattern just keeps coming up and up. I was reading my journals from before January 4th (my last day at work) and you could see the train coming.

Chin up, chin up... life is not fair.

It's funny, as I write this, I am listening to "come on people now, smile on your brother everybody get together try to love one another right now".... ahhhhh the 60's and their optimism..

My Grandpa passed away today.... he was 95 years old!! He actually made it to his 95th birthday and that's an amazing age. He was pretty healthy for a 95 year old too, but, he suffered a stroke this past week and passed away today.

I didn't know my grandparents as well as I would have wanted and as well as other people knew theirs. I didn't know my Dad's parents at all, although, they knew me. We moved from the West Coast when I was a very little girl. I didn't go back until I was 17 and that's when I got to know my grandparents and assorted cousins and aunts and uncles better. I was also able to visit out West as often as possible and once my Grandmother came to North Carolina to visit.

I was one of the loudest voices to get my parents to move back to the East Coast once they left NC so that THEIR grandchildren would get to know them and have more memories. That was accomplished, although, near the end, my Dad said he wished he had never left the West Coast again. Oh well... He'll be going back for the final time when my Mom heads out there to stay a month or so.

My aunt norma took care of my grandpa for a long, long time... just like Mom took care of Dad... so, now the sisters will be reunited and Norma is going to move in with Mom here in NC. Mom's house will be full to the brim, but, hopefully, happy again. It will be interesting to have my aunt norma here. She was always sooo much fun and always told me growing up that she was my "favorite aunt" - which, of course, was very true!

Now when Mom goes to the WC she has to make arrangements to sell the house where norma and grandpa lived. She will hopefully make a LOT of money from it (it has specatuclar views of the mountains and Columbia River Gorge) and that money will take care of her for the rest of her life so she won't have to worry anymore!

My Mom sounded fine when I talked to her on the phone - she's been waiting for "the" phone call for quite awhile. It's just... losing your husband a month ago and now her father... She sounds quite chipper though... My mother is very strong... I'm not. But, I will be!

I'm kind of bored right now... I know there are things I should be doing (like vacuuming or cleaning the bathroom), but, my arms hurt... I am trying to get back to my exercise routine so I can fit into the beautiful dress that my sister generously helped me buy from the expensive boutique she works at, with her discount and all, it was a steal... like my Seven jeans that only cost me $20.00!!!!

Anyways, the dress is for scarletravynn and michaelsproject wedding. I was also supposed to wear the dress to a friends reception, but, ended up not going to it. Being "stuck" on a boat in the middle of the Lake for 3 hours proved to be just a bit too scary - especially since I wouldn't have known hardly anyone (which isn't usually a problem for me)...

I will DEFINITELY be at the wedding on the 24th though... come hell or high water!! Plus, it turns out that I already HAVE shoes that gypsyariana told me are totally IN right now - T-strap sandals! Wheee!! I've had those shoes for YEARS so I am wayyyyy ahead of my time. They are almost brand new too - I think I've only worn them, like twice, but, they are dusty and will need to be cleaned. I'm hoping the heel isn't too high though. I don't wear really high heels anymore - unless they are on boots. We're very, very excited about coming down to ATL for this!!! Only a couple of weeks more!

( just rambles )

Well, I'm all vented out... I really want to go to Barnes & Nobles and buy the newest book in this vampire series that I am reading... but, it's too hot and I'm too lazy!! heeheehee